The Mental Load of Motherhood

The Mental Load of Motherhood – Part 1

A friend of mine shared an article with a group of us yesterday stating that motherhood is like 2.5 full time jobs.

Another friend shared this old favorite of mine the other day on Facebook about the mental load of motherhood. The emotional labor thing is for real. It’s heavy.

The Emotional Labor of Running a Household
{and a Business}

Here’s what my morning looked like yesterday.

I was half awake when Mike got up for work. We said good morning and celebrated the fact that our kids actually slept all night, two nights in a row.

I keep thinking I want to get up to do a few minutes of breathing or yoga every day before the crazy begins, but it was already too late this time. My 2-year-old was up screaming, DAD, DAD, DAD. When he realized that wasn’t working, he moved on to MOM, MOM, MOM. I rushed into the bathroom to get washed up quickly while he continued yelling.

As I put my contacts in my eyeballs and made a mental note to order more since I’m on my last box.

I grabbed my clothes, thankfully laid out the night before, and got dressed, while making my bed. It’s easier to get it done now, I remember, praying Drew wouldn’t jump out of his crib.

While making the bed, half-dressed, I saw a box on my dresser. I ordered a few dresses that don’t fit right so I need to return them. How many days has it been? And, how much longer I can put off making the return while still getting free shipping?

After grabbing kiddo number one and getting him dressed, we went downstairs and I took my vitamins. I noticed for the third or fourth day in a row it’s time to order Vitamin K. Plus, I remember thinking I wanted to get Cocoa nibs and some more protein powder from Amazon yesterday, but never did.

A quick glance at the papers on the table reminded me I need to sign Connor up for camp in August and figure out our vacation schedule for summer. And there’s that random week in June I haven’t figured out yet too. I decide I’ll text our friend today to see if they want to do camp together or not that week. Oh yah, and I need a physical for Connor so I better call soon.

When I opened the fridge to find there was only a little almond milk left, I went downstairs to see if I remembered to stock up. No dice. I realize I better get some almond milk today or there’s not gonna be any left for protein coffee tomorrow and that will just be sad.

Back in the kitchen I saw the calendar and realized it’s almost April. That means April 15 is coming soon. I really gotta get that tax info sent over to our CPA.

A few minutes later I poured the last of the Lactaid into Drew’s cup and add Lactaid to the grocery list on my phone. My two-year-old is a the milk-aholic.

I pulled out my phone and see limes still on the list from last time. Darn – forgot those. Limes remind me of guacamole and weekends. Hmmm, I wonder if our friends are coming over Friday night. I still can’t believe we cancelled on them for the billionth time last weekend due to a sick kid.

Thinking of Friday night, I look up at the calendar and see that Saturday morning is body fat testing at the gym. Since we don’t have a lot of sign ups this time, I’ll need to send a reminder about how awesome it is to have this info.

Related: Are people afraid to face reality this time of year?

Next, Connor came downstairs and needed clothes for school. I headed upstairs to get them out for him and note that I should change his sheets soon now that he’s not sick. Oh, and Drew had a little pee on his sheets a few days ago. I can’t remember if I changed those either.

Back downstairs, my phone vibrated so I text my mom back and tell Mike that, yes, all is good. I make a mental note to check in with my girlfriend after her doctor’s appointment in a few hours since I also see her name in my texts.

Breakfast time for the kids was next. How the heck did we already eat all the apples I bought a few days ago? I must add apples to the list too.

During breakfast I was packing up school lunches. When I opened up Drew’s lunch box I saw the reminder that daycare needed diapers. Crap, could I wait two days and get them from Amazon or should I hit up target later today too?

As I was putting the finishing touch on lunches and bag-packing, I remembered Mike said he ate the rest of the chicken last night. I decided to prep a little more for the day before heading out for daycare drop-off.

I had to pause and rinse the raw chicken off my hands so I could send myself an email reminder to send let members know there are only a few spots left in the deadlift workshop in two days.

While in my email, I saw my client from last night beat me to checking in on her. Oh, speaking of follow up, I also needed to reach out to the parent I talked to on the phone the day before to make sure I answered all of her questions.

This is when I start to think about how dang productive I better be with my time. Would the contractors show up to work on the porch today or should I just work downstairs? Speaking of downstairs, I REALLY gotta at least Swiffer the floor today. It’s disgusting.

Mental Exhaustion

I won’t keep going, but I bet many of you can relate to this. You can see the type of tasks running through my mind constantly. This glimpse into my crazy was only about 15 minutes of my day. I’m running through a million thoughts, making mental notes, and jotting down actual notes, all while I’m already doing other things.

Ever feel just total burn out? This emotional labor thing could be why. Take a glimpse into your brain and notice everything you’re thinking for 15 minutes. It’s probably a lot.

Micromanaging

I don’t really see myself as a micro-manger, but I guess am, simply by the nature of my roles in life. Managing a household is a lot more work than I ever realized it would be. Probably because I took on a lot more than I envisioned I would. And running a business is no small feat either.

Since my husband and I not only parent together, but also work together, I he gets the most of my “nagging,” but it comes out to my kids and our employees too. I don’t want to be a micromanager and I’m constantly tired of being in charge of things. I also can’t let-go of something mentally until I know it’s done. It takes up precious brain space even when I delegate a task.

Is Delegating the Answer?

I actually want to delegate things. What I don’t want to do is delegate things and then be unsure if they’re really getting done. This is true at home with my husband, and even our kids. “Get your socks on” means actually do the thing, kids, not wait for me to ask you 3 more times. This is true at work. And you better believe when someone is a go-getter at work and takes things from start to finish without me nagging. It’s AMAZING.

My favorite part of the”women aren’t nags” article is where she writes about how emotional labor is the unpaid job men still don’t understand. When she asked for a cleaning service, it was much less about the clean house or the money part, than it was about doing the research and setting a time to make it happen. “The real gift I wanted was to be relieved of the emotional labor of a single task that had been nagging at the back of my mind.”

YES. I love date nights and nights with friends. I love weekends away. But, sometimes I skip ’em because I don’t have the energy to research and plan. I don’t want to be in charge. I want someone else to tell me where we’re going, and what time to be there. Then, I’m in.

In part two next week, I’m gonna share a lot more about how we can possibly all lighten the weight of the mental loads of motherhood, running a household and being a manager at work. I actually used a few strategies yesterday and got shizzy done. But for now, I’m tired so I’ll leave you hanging. 😉