Running a business with your spouse might be a recipe for disaster or it could be the best decision you’ll ever make. You know, aside from when you said “yes” … or perhaps decided to become mom and dad. That post feels like 100 years ago.
Look, Mike and I don’t know it all. We’ve been married for almost 10 years and in business together for more than 6 years at this point. We’re not anywhere close to being done yet, but we’ve learned many lessons – like this list of 50 business lessons in 5 years – and we’ve had our fair share of ups and downs, both in our personal and business relationships.
While we’ll always be looking for ways to make sure we keep working together {pun intended} to have a fulfilling marriage and business, I want to share a few tips that have helped us work together without wanting to kill each other.
How to Run a Business With Your Spouse
…while still keeping your marriage healthy.
1. Accept the fact that you’ll talk about work a lot.
You’ll talk about work more than you’d probably ever imagine. Probably way more than most people say is ideal. A lot of business coaches will tell you not to talk about work at home if you own a business with your spouse or significant other. That’s a great idea in theory, but it’s simply not realistic.
Think about it this way. Even if you don’t work with your spouse, don’t you still come home at night and talk about work? Throw in the fact that you’re dealing with the same successes, issues, employees and clients and forget it. You’re going to talk about it. I mentioned in my recent post about work-life balance that if you do work you love, you’ll likely end up with a lot of intermingling between your work and home life. This is even more true if you work with your spouse.
Sure Mike and I attempt to discuss work less sometimes and we strive to tone down the work talk to focus on family time over the weekends. However, we’ve also learned it’s not worth beating ourselves up for talking about the things that matter most. We love our work and can’t help but talk about it.
Telling two people who own a business not to talk about work at home is a lot like telling parents to go out on date night and not mention their kids. Not happening.
2. Date each other.
Speaking of date nights… date each other. Make it a regular thing. Don’t put it on the back burner and attempt to get to it later. I know there will be days, weeks and months when you are more head down and focused on work than ever, but just make time, even for a few hours, to really connect with each other outside of the home. Do this at least 1-2 times a month.
Sure, you might go to a fancy restaurant and end up talking about work sometimes. Other times, you won’t. Plus, you can expense dinner if you talk about work. That’s work.
Rules: No kids allowed and you must leave the house. I listened to a podcast awhile back where a coach told a story about a client who didn’t want to spend money hiring a babysitter and buying restaurant food. That same client got a divorce that cost $75,000 a few years later. Spend the money and date your spouse.
Bonus 1: Go on double and group dates with other friends too. It’s fun to hang out with other couples and you’ll see your spouse in a new light when you’re all interacting with each other. Plus, it might help you talk about work a little less. 😉
Bonus 2: Leave the state or country every now and then. A change of scenery is ridiculously refreshing when your work and home lives are so intertwined. Plus, like bonus 1, it might help you talk about work a little bit less. 😉 HA
3. Delegate responsibilities that play to each person’s strengths.
Many couples who decide to go into business together are very different. That’s us! Opposites really do attract. Use this to your advantage by discussing your specific roles, both in your business, and at home. Sure, you’ll help each other out at times, just like you might help any coworker with a task that’s not specifically your job, but it’s helpful to have one person who’s in charge of each thing. I’m not talking the small things like changing the toilet paper roll, but the major things each need a “boss.”
Don’t just randomly divide the roles at work and home or decide you’ll figure it out as you go. Talk about what’s realistic based on each of your training schedules, strengths, and other responsibilities outside of work. It’s helpful to have ongoing conversations about this in order to make sure both of you know what’s expected of you and what you expect of each other.
Keep in mind, schedules change. Interests change. Business needs change. This isn’t a one-and-done task!
4. Separate yourselves.
No one wants to be with any one person all the time, ring or not. Make sure you physically separate yourselves. I work from home a few days a week and we each have a day at home in charge of the kiddos. We usually only work together inside the gym (in our shared office) one day a week. That’s what works for us, for now, but doesn’t mean it’s what works for everyone. Our schedules have been different in the past and if we didn’t have kids, now would be a completely situation too I’m sure.
The point is, it’s okay to want to be alone. Or to work from a coffee shop sometimes. Or just to need some space from your spouse. Don’t feel bad if you need this or take it personally when your spouse does. This is normal.
Besides physically separating your work areas at times, also respect each other’s lives outside of work. Something that works really well for us is to have a night that we each work late, until whenever we need to/want to. The other is in charge of the kids for dinner and bed time. Not surprisingly, we both prioritize our training as well. I strength train and walk often and he prefers BJJ. We respect each other’s schedules and help each other out so we can both be consistent. Exercise makes us better humans and ups our changes we can be together and alive for much longer.
Lastly, we each grab dinner with a friend a few times a month. I love when Mike goes to connect with his friends and I know he respects my girl time too since it fills my cup {literally usually – ha} and makes me happy. It can be hard to get together with friends after work or on the weekends, but if you make it a priority it can be done. Even when you’re busy and, yup, even when your friends all have kids. Plan ahead, communicate and don’t forget to write it on the calendar.
5. Communicate.
This is pretty much the best advice to help any work or personal relationship in the world. I’ll keep it simple. We’re all humans. We’re going to disagree at times.
If you’re not having disagreements once in awhile, you’re not growing as a person, in your relationship or as much as you could as a business. Remember to fight fair. You can be honest and kind at the same time. Whatever you do, don’t push your arguments under the rug with the hope things will work out later. Unless it’s a stupid thing you need to get over because it really will work itself out and you’re just being a whiner… 😉
Communicate, no actually over-communicate, about everything. And listen to the other side of the story. Stop interrupting each other. You’re both excited about the business and have tons of ideas. Don’t get so excited about your own ideas or priorities that you barely listen to your spouse.
Listen, listen, listen and speak up when something is on your mind!
6. Childcare rocks. Use it.
Usually trying to run a business and take care of your kids without any outside help doesn’t work. Babies are only babies so long. Then they become crazy toddlers and children. Make sure you look ahead, work out a schedule and plan for any necessary help in advance. Also, note that the amount of help you need may change year-to-year and even season-to-season.
Just know you can’t do everything all alone all the time. It’s true what they say…teamwork really does make the dream work. It’s a great investment to find people you trust to help you care for your kids.
Look Up and Love Your Life
This work is hard, but man this work is rewarding.I’m grateful for the impact we’re able to make on so many people. I love being on this crazy journey together and I love that we get to be a team in so many aspects of our life.
Mike and I work well together most of the time because we are different and our strengths complement each other. Our marriage stays strong even though we work together because we communicate about everything. EVERY. THING.
We constantly talk about our expectations of ourselves and each other and we are getting better at asking for what we need and want in order to grow, personally and professionally. We respect each other’s goals and give each other space. Running a successful business with your spouse doesn’t mean you need to be the same or that you must be together all the time. Hell, it doesn’t even mean you’ll agree all the time.
We’re not done making mistakes, but I love this man and I love the work we do together. I believe in him and I’m grateful for him. Thanks to my Valentine, and the best business partner ever, for showing me that it’s possible to live and work with someone you love…
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