In both of my full-time jobs – momma and gym owner/coach – I am constantly encouraging people to do hard things. To work through frustrations, bust through road blocks, get comfortable with being a little uncomfortable and gain confidence through doing hard things.
My husband and I are huge believers in the following rules for our family and our gym members:
- Work hard {or “do your best”}
- Listen to your coach
- Don’t quit
- Have fun
Seriously, these are the general rules of our gym and also in our home. Parenting and coaching have a lot of similarities.
Breaking these rules might feel good in the moment. Lounging on the couch feels nice, but doesn’t pay the bills. Going against instructions from a coach or parent who has your best interest in mind doesn’t pan out well. Quitting when your workouts get hard generally doesn’t earn you the muscles you want. And not having fun makes for long, tedious hours and days.
Breaking the Rules
I certainly do must best to practice what I preach, but that doesn’t mean things always go as planned. Sometimes I break the rules. Sometimes I have to complete tasks {taxes – I’m looking at you} that aren’t fun. And, admittedly, I don’t listen every single time my coach tells me to take a rest day.
Hell, sometimes breaking the rules might even be the best choice. Sometimes you quit a project because you have more important priorities and it’s one of those things that needs to be checked off the list by elimination because you’re overwhelmed. When you work on your taxes, you’re not going to have fun, unless you’re some kind of weirdo. If your mind needs to train more than your body needs a rest day once in awhile, it’s okay not to listen to your coach. You’ll survive.
But, exceptions aside, when you don’t follow the four rules above, it generally doesn’t lead to living your best life. Living to your fullest potentially requires you to do lots of hard things.
We All Do Hard Things
In the last week I’ve heard the following from friends and members who are doing hard things.
When I asked a first-time pregnant woman how she’s feeling…
“Seriously this has been really hard and scary so far…”
When I asked a friend how motherhood is going with a newborn…
“It’s been good, but a lot of work.”
When I asked a momma with young kiddos how she’s doing…
“I’m overwhelmed with work and have so much anxiety it paralyzes me. I’m sick of cleaning up every 5 minutes and the laundry never ends. The administrative stuff alone for this house is a lot.”
When I asked a new client how she feels about getting started…
“I’m excited and petrified.”
When I asked another client who started last week how it’s going…
“It’s rough being new, but I’m up for the challenge. I was so anxious I could barely sleep the night before my first class.”
You catch my drift. Life is hard. Every single one of us is struggling with something right now. My struggles may seem silly to you and I may not fully understand yours. It doesn’t matter. For me to tell you something is easy or fun, just because it is or was for me, is not helpful. And vice versa.
Going to a new gym is exciting for some people and very overwhelming and scary for others. Public speaking is no big deal for some and causes complete anxiety for others. Heading to a party where you don’t know many people might sound fun or totally stress-inducing to you. It’s all okay.
Minimizing someone else’s fears or struggles is not helpful. It's their reality, not yours. Click To TweetParenting and Teaching Kids to Do Hard Things
This past weekend, we had a situation at our first real lacrosse game for my son. It was freezing (literally) and the coach brought my almost 7-year-old to me on the sideline a little after half-time. He was really struggling with the cold, got confused about the positions, felt like he wasn’t good enough, etc.
I thought about our no-quitting rule and my first instinct was to kindly tell him to get it together and get back out there. We’re not the type of people to leave mid-game. However, after we talked and I saw he was cold down to the bone, I did something I never imagined I’d let my child do. At least not post-toddler years because now I know anything goes at that time! 😉
We left before the game was over. And it’s still bugging me three days later. Did we give up? Did I let him off the hook when something was hard? Yes, I suppose I did. However, I’m giving myself and my child some grace because not only was the weather a major factor in my decision to let him go, we’ve since talked through the situation quite a bit. He has to take responsibility and must do the hard thing now. He’s gotta get back out there and keep going.
Psssst…don’t miss twice – another awesome rule to live by.
I apologized to the coach, my son apologized to the coach and he knows there will be no more quitting. If he doesn’t like lacrosse he doesn’t need to play after this season, but in the meantime, he needs to try his best, listen to the coach and, you guessed it, have fun.
As a parent it’s hard to know when to push your kid and when to let things be. Mike and I do our best to be truthful with our kids. We listen to and empathize with their fears and understand that one child’s struggle may not be another’s.
We talk about the importance of doing hard things. Our kids see us physically work hard in our training sessions. They’ve seen us struggle with business decisions and we often discuss why it is we work so hard. Though they think it’s to buy toys, we explain how awesome it is to help people get healthy. And that food and shelter are a bit more important than toys. Sigh…
Being a kid is hard. Learning new things is hard. Parenting is hard. It’s okay to feel scared or to not get things right every single time. If you fall down, get back up again.
Responsibility and Empathy
My advice. Take responsibility for your actions. Surround yourself with people who care about you and don’t minimize your fears. Embrace those who encourage you to fight through the hard things. Be thankful for friends, family and coaches who provide empathy on some level so you know you’re not a total crazy-pants.
My bestie said to me that day, “sometimes being a mom sucks.” That’s all I wanted to hear. I wanted empathy. To hear that I’m not alone. To know that my fears and struggles, and my kiddo’s struggles, are my reality even if it seems trivial to someone else.
The friends and clients I mention above didn’t want me to minimize their fears or tell them that being pregnant or joining a gym isn’t scary. The other moms sure didn’t want me to say parenting is easy for me. {Clearly, it’s not!} They wanted empathy. They wanted to know I hear them and understand their struggle is real. Their struggle is their reality.
Team Work Makes the Dream Work
One of my friend’s posted on Facebook about struggle the other day and it stuck with me over the past week. It’s important as a parent, friend and coach to know that we can’t fix what someone else is struggling with, but together we are a lot stronger than we are on our own.
Whether you’re working through the big things, like my friend mentions below, or the small things, like leaving a lacrosse game early, community helps. Don’t worry and struggle in silence. Find your tribe, tell your truth and love so so hard.
Thanks for posting this and letting me share it, Jody!
“…Each one of us has something we’re struggling with. For some, this struggle changes over time (maybe one issue solved and a new one arises) or for some it’s a battle you face every single day.
I’ve also learned that unless I’ve experienced what you have (i.e. divorce, loss of job, loss of husband/partner, etc.) I truly do NOT know what you are going through and I won’t begin to try to tell you I understand or know how to fix it.
What I can tell you is that you are not alone and that I’m a great listener. It’s ok to be not ok and that together makes rising up much easier than trying to face it alone.”
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