I’m not exactly sure what took me so long to get started on this series. I don’t really want to make this about me or get too personal, but I do have a lot to say, and I’m sure you all do too. Although this friendship mini-series is not about motherhood, fitness or nutrition, friendships still have a huge impact on our overall health and happiness so let’s talk FRIENDS.
First, I have to point out that I am so lucky because my friends are freaking awesome. The one problem with said awesome friends is that I wish I got to see them more. It feels like once I hit 25 (awhile ago…sigh) life got one hundred times more busy. Many of my friends (myself included) started getting married, having kids, moving away and/or working their butts off to get the career they wanted. Before 25 it was easy to find someone to grab dinner with or even someone who wanted to go out drinking on a Friday or Saturday evening.
Now when I try to schedule lunch, dinner, a walk, a drink (note: very different than going out drinking) it takes a few weeks to find a date that works. Trying to get together with more than one person at a time? Forget it – unless we’re booking out a few months in advance. And even then if everyone can make it without canceling, it’s a miracle.
So besides the fact that it’s tough to find time to get together with my long-time friends, I’m finding that since I hit 30 (and then had a baby) I often wonder where I fit in anyway. (If you have a minute I would love for you to read that post I just linked to – it’s actually a great intro to this series!)
Even when you have amazing friends, if you’re in different stages of life, it can be difficult to relate to one another.
I think it’s so important to keep old friends, but also to make new friends that share your new interests (yes, even talking about your kid’s poop or daily schedules can be interesting to some). BUT – making friends when you are older isn’t easy. Those five year old kids make it look easy, but I assure you, as an adult it’s not. Finding friends who you trust, enjoy spending time with and have things in common with sometimes feels like a major challenge, but it can also be really fun and exciting!
So let’s talk.
Do you find it tough to get together with friends? Do you find it hard to make new friends? Are you closer to your friends you have had for a long time or new friends you have met in recent years?
This is such a great post and I love this idea for a mini series. You’re absolutely right – friendships are such a big part of a healthy life. I have a close group of friends, mostly from high school, but we live all over the place and it’s hard to get together. I wish we were able to see each other more but I guess that also makes the times when we do get together all the better. Aside from friends I made from my Mommy group when my oldest was born, I do find it’s hard to make new friends sometimes because at this point, schedules are so busy and hectic. But there are definitely some real friendships that have developed which has been great.
Hi Christine – It stinks when your friends live all over the place, doesn’t it? Then again, you’re right – it does kind of make those times you finally do get together pretty darn awesome. Mom groups can be tough, but sounds like you may have made some friends out of it! Go you. 🙂
I feel like, since having a child and transitioning to SAHM status, finding new friends is incredibly difficult. I’ve joined a few mom and tots groups, but find it hard to form real, genuine friendships. I have a few of those close girlfriends that I share everything with, but many of them have moved away in the past few years, leaving me feeling pretty alone. I still connect with them via email. But that’s not the same as a coffee or lunch date with a friend. I think that so many women out there really want to connect, we have struggles and triumphs we want to share and I think most women feel like they want to be there for a friend. We all have love to give:-)
Sarah – you are not alone! I think all moms (working and stay at home) feel similar. I think it’s similar for SAHM’s and working moms because it’s hard to understand how the others are feeling. Sometimes it seems like the grass is always greener, but in reality the best situation is different from family to family. It’s tough to break into mom groups sometimes, especially when many moms are really judgmental (even though they may not be trying to be that way).
Such a great topic! I’ve noticed similar trends with my friends as well and it started in college for me. My very best friend (we were together 24/7 in high school) decided not to go away to college and I did. Her life was so different than mine and we just found that we couldn’t’ relate anymore. She had a baby young and then it separated us even more. It saddens me, but I see her when I’m home from time to time and I really want to strengthen our relationship again, but you’re right, it’s hard with children and careers in the way (and we live 3000 miles apart).
My best friend and I keep in touch and have completed similar life goals at the same time (college, marriage, no babies yet), so we plan trips together and its easier. But, I know this will change when children are in the picture.
I have some “new” friends, but its hard to relate when you don’t have a long history, but I guess it can be done!
That’s such an interesting point about having a hard time relating to people when you haven’t know them for a long time. That’s totally true, but sometimes that can be the fun of it too. You have so much to learn about each other.
Totally hear you on the friends from childhood/high school thing. Most of my best friends are from high school too, but we are all in different stages of life as far as marriage, babies, jobs, etc. Doesn’t mean you can’t be friends, but sometimes it makes it hard to plan things schedule-wise.
My closest friends are the ones that I have had since high school. I made some great friends in University too but they aren’t the ones that I spend the most time with. I haven’t really made other friends since then, to be honest.
I actually find getting together with friends to be extremely important. My husband always gets tgether with his friends on Friday night (and again on Sunday for football during the fall/winter) and I usually get together with my girl friend once a week. I feel really bummed when friends start dating or getting married and then seem to lose contact.
My closest friends are from high school too. I think that’s rare though. I agree, making time to see your friends is extremely important, even when it’s hard!
This post comes at an awesome time for me, personally — I’ve really been embracing the beauty in the friendships I hold dear to my heart. Not just the friends I physically see all the time, but the ones that I ‘know’ through the blog and such, the bond I have with some of these ladies is almost CLOSER than with friends I’ve known for years. Just goes to show that having shared passions and interests can make for some of the best friendships, huh? I can’t wait to read more in this series!
Blog friends are awesome, huh? I never thought I would be super close to anyone I met through blogging, but it’s proving me wrong. Sometimes I hate technology, but other times I am so thankful for how many people it’s brought into my life!
LOVE this post and swear, we are so alike this way. I have a small group of close friends but it takes a lot of scheduling and rescheduling to get together sometimes. We are all in different stages, some with kids, some single, some married, some not, so it just takes time, but we always make it work, no matter how long. I think it’s important, too, like you said, to also have friends that are ‘in’ your stage of life too, those you can relate to on that level. I think I am going to love this series!!
I’m glad you knew what I meant by needing those old friends (forever), but also needing friends who ran relate on a day-to-day basis. It’s really important!