Build Your Confidence: Reflections

Last year around this time I decided it was time to build my confidence. If you’ve ever wanted to feel better about yourself and more confident in your decisions (despite what others think and say)…I feel you.

I’m not a New Years resolution girl, or at least not in the traditional goal-based way you probably think of it. 

I do get a little buzz from the start of something new. New routines. New seasons. New weeks (I actually love Mondays!). New training programs. New family traditions. New gratitude practices and other healthy habits… especially when they stick. 😉

So, while I’m not going for a #newyearnewme or anything like that, I feel the excitement of this new year and new decade too. It’s fun. It’s fresh. It’s wide open with possibility.

Instead of looking for a new me just because we have a bit of a clean slate right now, I’m really just striving to be a #betterme … as always… and this January is no different.

Before I hop into what I’m gonna work on this year, it’s worth noting that the year of focusing on confidence feels like it was a success. If you’ve ever wanted to build your confidence I highly recommend making it a focus for a longer time than you think you need. You’ve been beating yourself up and making decisions solely to please others for way too long.

Reflecting on 2019: The Year of Confidence

I made some changes this past year in the name of confidence, my 2019 word of the year. I didn’t spend every day thinking bout how to build my confidence, but checked in regularly to make sure I still kept moving in the right direction.

I’m not done, but I did finally figure out how to focus on things that probably needed more focusing on all along.

I had some difficult conversations, starting setting better boundaries and paid more attention to where I’m spending my time and energy.

I asked myself things like…

What really matters? How can I best bond with my husband and sons? Which women in my circle do I really wanna get know deeper? What friendships feel a bit one-sided and drain me? How can I finally sleep better? What’s my body telling me to do?

Self evaluation is so important. I paid less attention to what it seems like I “should” do according to the masses and more attention to what I really wanted and needed to do.

I took leaps even when I was scared…

I said yes to expanding the gym, even though big purchases make me anxious. (We love it and it’s helping us bring fitness to more humans of all ages.)

I started running a 12-month nutrition coaching program. I was super hesitant about investing in this before because it’s so long and I thought the commitment would scare people off. (It probably does scare some off, but it rocks and my clients are making huge changes in their habits.)

We invested in a brand new software and SOS application. This will help us achieve our dream of offering customized training programs to members of Skill of Strength and online to anyone around the world. We’ve put together a systematic way that finally lives up to our training standards and it launched January 1.

You really do need to invest to be the best.

I did less and more, especially during the holiday season.

Everyone is all “do less,” and while I agree to an extent since I’m a workaholic, I really think it’s all about choosing how to use your time deliberately… sometimes that’s doing more and sometimes it’s less.

This holiday season showed me how much I’ve grown in 2019. I did what I wanted and prioritized things differently. I looked at the holidays as a season and these choices weren’t forever, but just for a season.

I skipped Christmas cards for the first time since having kids. I felt a little guilty, but then realized I bought myself some extra hours to watch baking shows with my kids, ditched a few decisions and even saved hundreds of dollars.

I shopped almost solely online and made purchases faster. I may have saved a little more here and there if I waited and looked around, but see above. With the Christmas card savings, it was probably a wash financially and both of these changes salvaged precious time and mental space. #priceless

I took less pictures and didn’t go crazy with being consistent on social media for the last month of the year. I gave myself some space and grace, knowing I’d be more excited about it again after a break. You don’t want to read forced posts I write in the name of consistency. You want to read real posts and my burnt out brain wasn’t providing as many of those. 

I trained 5 days a week. I followed the program. Even when I was sick. It might not work for you, but it works for me. It’s not a no excuses mindset or anything like that. In fact, I took it easier on days I didn’t feel great, but sticking to the plan did away with decision making during a time when that part of my brain was fatigued.

I walked. Not excessively, and not even as much as I would have liked to, but I embraced 10K every day over the last few months. The few days I was under the goal, I made it up immediately (it’s not that hard) and ended up well above 10K a day on average.

It helped my sanity to move a little from my computer on days I didn’t have much time to train. It probably improved my vitamin D levels. And it most definitely saved me from a few mama and wifey meltdowns. (They still happened – it’s the holidays.)

We entertained several times. More than normal actually… and really enjoyed it. It’s much easier now that the kids are a bit older and our schedules are more flexible.

We rekindled connections with family members we don’t see enough and strengthened our bond with some new friends. We started creating more of  the “everyone is welcome here please make yourself at home” type of home we have been dreaming of.

We cooked and ate good food, had a bit too much to drink and moved the heck on. Every single time. Life is too short to regret having a blast.

We took time off for the holidays to focus on family. I needed it more than I knew or was ready to admit. I was burnt out. So very burnt out.

And, full disclosure, I worked an hour or two many days on vacation. That’s my life as a business owner. I truly believe my job is a privilege so it’s okay to work on vacation sometimes even when people say you shouldn’t. I care too much and that’s what makes me successful. #confidence #ownit

I grew and really did become a more confident me in 2019.

I woke up on January 1 feeling like I wanted to move. And eat. I didn’t wanna punish myself with a super hard workout. I didn’t wanna starve myself to make up for the extra treats and drinks over vacation.

I wanted to move in order to get motivated to do laundry and payroll so I could head into the new year organized and energized. That’s what I did. I wanted to eat more than normal to fuel my body after lack of sleep, less nutrients and lots of drinks during Christmas and New Years. That’s what I did.

I’m not a new me after 2019. I’m a more confident me. And I’m ready to continue working on that. I own my life and my choices. I take responsibility for who I am and what I believe. I realize it’s not selfish to do what I want and need way more often instead of constantly living to please others. This, friends, is confidence.

Now, it’s time to fully embrace something else that’s been on my heart. KINDNESS.

I’m kind. Mostly. But I gossip. I don’t always smile at strangers. I forget to send thank you cards. I snap at my kids. I lose my patience with my husband. I get angry when people don’t act how I think they should, forgetting there might be another side to the story. I don’t always remember to give people the benefit of the doubt. I have trouble forgiving. I could be better at making conversations with baristas, waitresses and cashiers. I can be more friendly and more welcoming. I can reach out frequently and be a better friend when someone I love is struggling. I can continue creating a home where all feel warm and cozy and welcome. 

This year I’ll keep working on building my own confidence and now that it’s a habit I’m ready to take on 2020… with kindness.

Do you do a word of the year? Resolution? I’d love to hear from you!