I’ve seen a ton of comments lately on Facebook and Twitter about how rude people are on public transportation to pregnant women. I have also experienced some interesting rudeness (not on public transportation) and figured I should just write a quick ‘advice column’ on what to say, and even more importantly what to avoid saying to a pregnant woman. It’s definitely been more men saying dopey things to me than women, but certainly not all comments came from the male species. We women aren’t always as polite or politically correct as we like to think we are! 🙂
Some simple advice:
- If you feel like commenting on how huge the woman is looking, don’t.
- When a woman on the train, subway, bus, etc. looks pregnant, offer her a seat. She may not take it, but just offer.
- If a pregnant woman looks tired or hot (literally hot, not hot like ‘hot mama’) don’t ask why she is wearing a t-shirt in the winter.
- If a woman you work with, hang around with, see in the parking lot, etc. is pregnant and it’s been snowing all day, offer to help her clean her car off, or better yet, just do it for her.
I’ll leave you with:
- A few of the worst comments I’ve received:
- I can’t believe you are already showing.
- You’re not due until June? I would’ve thought it was much sooner.
- Your husband must be going through a really hard time right now.
- Oh, don’t play the pregnancy card with me.
and…
- A few of the best comments I’ve received:
- You’re all belly, you look great.
- You’re such an inspiration, I love that you’ve continued to work out during your pregnancy.
- You guys are going to be great parents.
- You look adorable (from a random lady at church on Easter who I have never seen in my life). 🙂
Please note that overall, my pregnancy has been a great experience and most people I know have been really nice. My family and friends have been amazing, but I don’t think anyone who’s ever been pregnant has managed to escape ALL rude comments from strangers/acquaintances. Just remember…pregnancy is not EASY…help a woman out. 🙂
What’s the worst or best thing someone said to you when you were pregnant? Have you ever said something to a pregnant woman and then immediately regretted it?
I’m reading through your pregnancy posts and happened upon this one…how CRAZY that people say RUDE things to pregnant women! I decided that the only thing you should say is “You look GREAT!” Don’t tell me I look big or small (I’m hormonal! I’ll think my baby isn’t growing!) or anything else.
Here are my two worst:
1) when I told someone I was pregnant (wasn’t showing yet) they responded: I thought you’d been looking pretty bad lately
2) once I was in the grocery store and a guy ran up to me and said, “You gotta get out of here! You look like you’re gonna have that baby any second and we don’t want you to have the baby in the store!!” (he was joking, but still…)
AHHH…that is so rude. Especially the first one…at least the second one he was trying to joke. I think some guys just don’t know what to say. haha
Hey Amanda! It’s your old friend Audrey here. I love this post! It’s kinda amazing what people will say, isn’t it? Last week at work a guy in a meeting I was in with asked me, out of the blue: “So how are the mood swings?” Kinda weird/personal, right? Anyway, congrats again on your pregnancy! You’re getting really close!
Hi Doll! Nice to hear from you. 🙂 Congrats on your pregnancy too! That is totally personal and not something anyone besides a good friend should ask you! I would have wanted to smack him. You should have asked him how his mood swings are doing. 🙂 XO
I was pretty lucky through all my pregnancies that most stranges left me alone 🙂 I think the most annoying thing for me was while I was working and pregnant people thinking I shouldn’t be doing certain things because I was pregnant. What am I supposed to do, sit and do nothing for 9 months just because I am pregnant?! I usually reponded with, “Just because I am pregnant doesn’t mean I can’t function anymore!”
You look fantastic, Amanda, in your pregnancy and that is amazing you’ve been keeping up your workouts throughout your pregnancy! I remember days that I was just so tired to be moving, much less have energy to work out! Can’t wait to meet the little man! 🙂
Thanks Jody! It’s funny, there are definitely people who treat you like you’re going to fall apart. And then there are other people who don’t even give you a second glance or offer to help when it would be appreciated. I guess it’s a fine line! Thanks for the compliment. I am definitely lucky that I have been able to workout and I know it’s making my pregnancy so much easier. I have been feeling great (knock on wood!).
I have to say that my wife ( Amanda ) is an amazing woman. She works hard, never complains and is doing everything she can for our baby.
She truly does walk the walk and is brutally honest about what she writes in her blog. She researches everything she posts and is the smartest person I know.
I married up for sure and I am so proud of her. I have no doubt she will be a great mom. She is already an amazing wife 🙂
Awww…I have a sweet hubby. 🙂 <3
For me it is the week by week question of how much weight I have gained that I dreaded the most. At my baby shower for my first born my aunt said out loud in front of the whole room, “I have never seen Sarah’s face so fat.” My other aunt got on to her saying “Don’t say it where she can here you.” I wanted to hide in a hole. I had cried on the way there telling my husband that I didn’t want to go because I knew they were all going to judging how I looked. Boy was I right.
I was pretty lucky — most people kept their comments (and their hands!) to themselves for both of my pregnancies, but I got one comment when I was due with my son about how many I should stop smuggling basketballs (I was at the gym – I just rolled my eyes) and I did hear a lot of rude and annoying things when I was overdue with my daughter. Yes, I’m huge. No, she’s hasn’t arrived (obviously you idiots!), yes, I’ve tried everything to get her out, etc. My cube mate just had her baby and people drove her NUTS! I felt so bad for her. One of our coworkers actually said “Well, you look great from behind.” Ummm thanks – just what she wanted to hear!
HAHA…yah people have kept their hands off me as well…besides my mother and my hubby…but that’s allowed. 🙂 I think you’re right…it gets worse at the end. People at work keep asking me when I am due…I feel like I should wear a sign that says I still have 5 weeks left. It could be a long 5 weeks if people keep thinking I am due “tomorrow”… 🙂 Your poor coworker…whoever said that to her probably thought they were being nice, but they really just worded it wrong.
OH MY GOSH Sarah…I would have been so mad/upset if I were you! I don’t even know what I would have said…did you just ignore them!? It’s so frustrating that people are so judgmental! Everyone’s bodies are different and a lot of things are out of your control when you are pregnant. I’m sure you looked fabulous!
I can’t remember specific things people said, but I mainly just hated hearing the SAME things over and over and over. “Oh….he’s not here yet?” blah blah blah.
Have you ever seen the blog called Pregnant Chicken? It is hilarious!
HA…I know if we go to a party or something I have to mentally prepare for all the same questions over and over again. 🙂 I haven’t seen that blog, but I am going to check it out today! I’m assuming it will be a good source for a laugh on a rainy day. Thanks. 🙂
I can relate to a lot of what you are saying! I think I was a “difficult” pregnant lady for I was annoyed by pretty much anything…The most awful comment that I got was actually from a woman who watched me working out with dumbbells. She asked: “Isn`t that being awful?” (She used the German word “schlimm” which is best translated with awful but it was somehow out of place anyway). I tried to be sarcastic and asked back: “Do you mean me being pregnant? It was a planned pregnancy and the baby`s father is my husband, so it is a good thing!” But she insisted: “No, I mean what you are doing. Doesn`t it feel awful?” I was really angry by then (the lady was a total stranger to me!) so I told her that I was 30 years old, a grown up woman and that I had no motivation to do anything that felt awful. I let it become too much of a discussion but it is never good to mess with a pregnant woman, is it? :-)…I also hated when people tried to talk me into eating food I didn`t want to, like you can have another serving, you are eating for two…Evidently some women cannot stand if it is not the pregnant woman who eats the most junk at the table…There was much more. Try to stay more relaxed than I was! How do people react when they see you working out? And be assured, you are NOT huge! The way you carry shows that you have still strong muscles in that belly and that you will bounce back quickly!
I have been pretty low key during most of my pregnancy so most of the time what people say doesn’t get to me, but there were a few comments that were just over the top or said to me on the wrong day. 🙂 Good for you standing up for yourself! People have been mostly supportive of me working out during my pregnancy, but I also workout in our private studio so I haven’t been working out in public much. I’m sure I’d receive many more comments if I was! Thanks for all the sweet comments.