Let me put a few things out there. I’ve been pregnant before. I wanted to get pregnant again. I am really happy and thankful that I am pregnant now. I also knew that getting pregnant meant my body would change again. A lot…proof below.
(Here I am at 40 weeks pregnant with my son, Connor!)
All of that sounds obvious, right? You might think that means the second time around I would know what to expect and I’d be comfortable with gaining weight and a changing/growing body during pregnancy. I thought so too. Silly me.
Pregnancy is a funny thing. I kind of forgot (or blocked out) what the first trimester was like the first time around. I forgot about the debilitating exhaustion and the way I felt bloated all the time. Or maybe I didn’t forget…maybe I just thought this time would be different?
As someone who’s struggled with body issues in the past (haven’t we all?), I really like control. I think the hardest thing for me is that when you’re pregnant, you’re not in control of much. It can be scary and frustrating. I find that I’m constantly worried about if the baby is okay and if I am doing everything in my power to make sure my daughter or son is healthy! I’m also constantly wondering if I am eating too much, eating too little, training too much, training too little, etc.
After so many ups and downs during college and my twenties, I was determined after my first pregnancy to focus on getting strong, feeling great, and learning as much as possible about how my body functions best. In fact, without even fully realizing it, my training and nutrition became pretty much automated.
After working hard to get strong and fit again post-baby I got used to feeling really comfortable in my own body.
I found foods that helped me feel great and ate them often. I avoided gluten and dairy. I focused on eating tons of protein and veggies every day. I figured out what carbohydrates that work best for me (hello oats!). If I had a few days or a week of eating/drinking more than normal, I scaled back a little for a few days and then kept at my normal habits. No crash diets, no beating myself up.
Regarding exercise, I started taking rest days for the first time in my life after my son was born. I focused on getting stronger instead of being thin. I actually fell in love with training instead of feeling like it was something I had to do.
Training and eating well were simply a part of my life…neither one had control over my life. Woah! I was proof that moderation is possible and that practicing good habits really is the best way to sustained health and fitness.
For the last three years I got used to being comfortable in my body. I felt good about myself and I was able to maintain a fairly lean physique without a whole lot of stress.
Then, I got pregnant. During this pregnancy, I started showing much sooner than I did with my first. By the time I was 6 weeks or so I felt bloated every day. My chest immediately grew two full cup sizes. I no longer had a flat chest or a flat stomach and I felt really uncomfortable with all of these new bumps on my front side.
I was trying to hide my pregnancy from my clients who I see several times a week. I felt self-conscious and uncomfortable in all of my clothes so I started wearing hoodies and sweatpants most days. I’m not sure if that helped or hurt because I just felt frumpy since it’s not how I normally dress. I didn’t feel like being social often, partly because I was tired, but also because I didn’t feel comfortable getting dressed and going out.
I had some major flashbacks to the feelings I experienced back in my college days and early twenties when I was uncomfortable with my body. I remember wanting to wear big sweaters to bars sometimes just to hide how bloated I was feeling. There were nights I just wanted to stay home and hide in my sweats. I honestly had forgotten what it was like to feel icky in my own body, but it quickly came rushing back to me.
The changes to my body during early pregnancy didn’t sit well with me at first. Even though I was thrilled to be pregnant, I hated hiding it. I couldn’t wait to spill the beans and start looking pregnant instead of just like I was “really enjoying the holidays”…
Why do I tell you this? So you think I am ungrateful for my pregnancy or so you tell me I am beautiful? No!! I tell you this because it’s important to realize that we all have body issues from time to time. Yes, that means fitness professionals too! In fact, I think personal trainers and others in this industry are often even harder on themselves than anyone. We are used to being fitness role models and when we’re not feeling our best, we feel out of place.
I absolutely despise fat talk. I hate when I find myself feeling “fat” and actually calling myself fat, either in my own head or out loud. I yell at my friends and clients for using fat talk. However, fat is a feeling. You can’t think your way out of a feeling, but you can be mindful of your feelings and you can practice a bit of self-compassion, even when you don’t feel your best.
You can love yourself how you are even if it’s not exactly how you want to be.
If you’re struggling with body image issues, pregnant or not, I encourage you to be kind to yourself. Imagine what a good friend would say to you, or what you would say to a friend or family member who’s feeling the way that you do right now. Practice saying those things to yourself.
When you are kind to yourself you may be surprised to find that you do the things that help you feel better and sustain you through periods of feeling less than wonderful. For example, when I focused on what I still could do for exercise during my first trimester instead of what I couldn’t, I kept at it, even when I was tired and bloated. Taking a walk or getting in a quick strength training session helped me feel good and slowly I stopped with the fat talk.
I feel so much more comfortable now at 18 weeks than I did during my first trimester. I am starting to feel the baby move and I can appreciate the fact that the changes happening in my body are all for a great reason. It’s part of the journey. The human body is freaking amazing.
It’s refreshing to feel this way again. It’s draining feeling bad about your body! If you’re struggling with your body image right now here are a few things to think about.
Focus on what you can do to feel good. Be kind to yourself. Take small actions that make you feel good and before you know it you’ll be creating healthy habits like a machine.
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